What Do We Mean by Personal Relationships?
The concept of "relationships and family" is broad and varies from person to person. What you mean by relationship is unique to you, but most people do think of a state of connectedness, especially an emotional connection and interactions that create a bond. These bonds often grow from and are strengthened by mutual experiences. Relationships are not static; they are continually evolving, and to fully enjoy and benefit from them we need skills, information, inspiration, practice, and social support.

 

Family
The concept of "family" is an essential component in any discussion of relationships, but this varies greatly from person to person. The Bureau of the Census defines family as "two or more persons who are related by birth, marriage, or adoption and who live together as one household." But many people have family they don't live with or to whom they are not bonded by love, and the roles of family vary across cultures as well as throughout your own lifetime. Some typical characteristics of a family are support, mutual trust, regular interactions, shared beliefs and values, security, and a sense of community. Although the concept of "family" is one of the oldest in human nature, its definition has evolved considerably in the past three decades. Non-traditional family structures and roles can provide as much comfort and support as traditional forms.

 

Friends
A friendship can be thought of as a close tie between two people that is often built upon mutual experiences, shared interests, proximity, and emotional bonding. Friends are able to turn to each other in times of need. 

 

Partnerships
Romantic partnerships, including marriage, are close relationships formed between two people that are built upon affection, trust, intimacy, and romantic love. 

 

The need for human connection appears to be innate—but the ability to form healthy, loving relationships is learned. Some evidence suggests that the ability to form a stable relationship starts to form in infancy, in a child's earliest experiences with a caregiver who reliably meets the infant's needs for food, care, warmth, protection, stimulation, and social contact. Such relationships are not destiny, but they are theorized to establish deeply ingrained patterns of relating to others and attachment styles.

 

How to Build a Healthy Relationship
Strong relationships are continually nurtured with care and communication. Although relationships can take many forms, certain traits have been shown to be especially important for healthy relationships.

 

Each individual should, for starters, feel confident that their partner is willing to devote time and attention to the other. They must both also be committed to accommodating the differences and challenges that inevitably emerge. Good relationships are generally marked by a sense of fairness, emotional as well as physical—particularly in the distribution of chores necessary to maintain a household. Partners in strong relationships also feel grateful for one another, openly provide and receive affection, and engage in honest discussions. In good relationships, partners try to afford their partner the benefit of the doubt, which creates a sense of being on the same team in life. That feeling, maintained over the long term, can help couples overcome many difficulties.

 

Citation: https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/what-do-we-mean-personal-relationships

Codependency
Codependency refers to a psychological construct involving an unhealthy relationship that people might share with those closest to them. It was originally thought to involve families of substance abuse but has since grown to include other types of dysfunctional relationships.

 

What Is a Codependent Personality Disorder?

Modern understandings of codependency now refer to “a specific relationship addiction characterized by preoccupation and extreme dependence—emotional, social and sometimes physical—on another person.” The main consequence of codependency is that “codependents, busy taking care of others, forget to take care of themselves, resulting in a disturbance of identity development” (Knudson & Terrell, 2012). The codependent person often ends up feeling unfulfilled and like a victim of circumstance by overextending themselves without reciprocity. Codependents often feel responsible for the feelings and actions of others. While codependency does overlap with personality disorders, it does appear to constitute a distinct psychological construct. 
 
Signs of Codependency
What does codependency actually look like? Some of the things that have been found to correlate with codependency include (Marks et al., 2012):

• Low self-esteem;

• Low levels of narcissism;

• Familial dysfunction;

• Depression;

• Anxiety;

• Stress;

• Low emotional expressivity.

 
Other signs of codependency include (Lancer, 2016; Mental Health America):

• Having a hard time saying no;

• Having poor boundaries;

• Showing emotional reactivity;

• Feeling compelled to take care of people;

• Having a need for control, especially over others;

• Having trouble communicating honestly;

• Fixating on mistakes;

• Feeling a need to be liked by everyone;

• Feeling a need to always be in a relationship;

• Denying one’s own needs, thoughts, and feelings;

• Having intimacy issues;

• Confusing love and pity;

• Displaying fear of abandonment.

 
The most effective treatment for codependency is therapy, to understand the ways in which someone feels they must care-take for another’s emotional state. This can be hard to identify in ourselves, so having a supportive professional help us untangle these relationships can be crucial. The most important thing to remember is that while everyone has loved ones and feels responsible for those loved ones, it can be unhealthy when one hinges their identity on someone else. Ultimately, everyone is responsible for their own actions and feelings.

 
5 Books Recommendations about Codependency
These books are particularly helpful for people who fear they are codependent and want to overcome their codependency.
 
1. Lancer, D. (2015). Codependency For Dummies, 2nd Edition.
This book, from a licensed marriage and family therapist, can be an excellent introduction to codependency for people who do not know a single thing about codependency. The book is aimed at people who think they might be codependent and includes a number of actionable tips one can take to break their codependence.
 
2. Beattie, M. (1990). The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents.
This book, by codependency expert Melody Beattie, is a handbook for people who are codependent. This book is full of daily meditations and focuses on self-esteem, acceptance, health, and recovery. This is a good option for anyone who knows they are codependent and wants to do something about it.
 
3. Weinhold, B.K., Weinhold, J.B. (2008). Breaking Free of the Co-Dependency Trap.
This book, by a married psychologist couple, is all about codependency and how to break out of it. The authors first discuss how codependency develops in people, and how one’s childhood can ultimately lead to codependency. The authors then focus on helping the reader out of codependency. This is a good option for anyone who wants to understand their codependency, not just how to fix it.
 
4. Sowle, J.J. (2014). The Everything Guide to Codependency: Learn to Recognize and Change Codependent Behavior.
This book from a clinical psychologist aims to help people who think they are codependent. In it, the author helps the reader recognize signs of codependency in their own behavior (and the behavior of the people around them), then helps the reader work through their own codependent or enabling behaviors, as well as the codependent or enabling behaviors of their partner.
This is a good option for learning how to recognize codependency in oneself, as well as learning how to identify and avoid codependent behaviors in the future.
 
5. Menter, J.E. (2012). You’re Not Crazy – You’re Codependent.
Finally, this book is written by someone who has struggled with codependency in their own life. It aims to help people who have had traumatic experiences in their past figure out if some of their problems stem from codependency. Then, for people who are struggling with codependency, the book offers a variety of ways to overcome it.
 

Citation: https://positivepsychology.com/codependency-definition-signs-worksheets/